Get over yourself, buddy. Who the fuck do you think you are?

You use to be the person I want to see everytime I'm upset, when nothing's right. You use to make me smile a little bit more by just being there, you were just one of those people who brings a lighter mood to whatever situation. What happened? Why did you have to go and do a complete 180 degree turn? Is it because you think you're all that just because you're dating someone? Is that suppose to make you better than everyone else? Does you dating someone suddenly make you that much cooler? That much better? I don't think so, and honestly, neither does the people who surrounds you. GET OVER YOURSELF.

To be clear, I wasn't mad at you for the reasons you think. I'm mad at you because you honestly act like you're better than me, just because you're dating someone and I'm not. You don't act straight out cocky, but it's the little things you do, the little underlying attitude that you every now and then slip out. The game we were playing today? I don't fucking care who's cooler. I honestly did not think of that game as anything serious, clearly it was a different situation for you. It was nothing serious, just chill the fuck out. After asking the first person, I thought the game was over. You continued. Oh sorry, wasn't it you that started it? Oh yeah. It was, so don't pull the "no you started it" shit on me, and don't go all whatever-I'm leaving-you're-being-a-bitch-fuck-you on me either, bud. I was totally being chill about the game, it was nothing serious, and you were definitely doing a great act on thinking it was chill too. Sorry, but it was the little glares that you shot at me, the little "pfts" sound that had a little too much hmph to it that sold you out. You were taking it way more seriously than it was intended to be. Everyone likes to look for compliments to build their esteem, but what you were doing earlier was obviously just an attempt to prove that you're 'better' than me. Had you of actually won? I know exactly what you're going to do with that. You're going to rub it in my face, use it everytime, you're going to act immature about it. Fortunately, you lost. And when you did, you were all pissy and being all like, whatever-I'm-leaving...and it didn't stop there, you went on to tell my friend that we're being stupid/bitchy or whatever. You started the fucking thing, so shut it. Also, that little jab you took at me? The one that was a little too much? Yeah. Buddy, thanks for saying that I'm not a very good pianist. I would've taken it as a joke, had it not been your little too serious/egomaniac tone. Please, who are you to question my musical ability? You're just a little dick who sucks at the fucking bass and way over your head. And all the "jokes" I said about to you about you being a jerk/dick and someone who has a big ego, I know it sounded sarcastic, but I meant every single word.

I would go on, but you're a waste of my time now. I can't believe how much time I've invested in you in the past, how much I thought you were such an innocent friend, how you were "the nicest person ever". I'm waiting for the day where you aren't going to date the person you're dating, and watch your fucking ego break into a million little pieces and watch you crawl back to your friends. And the funny thing is, all the people you surround yourself with everyday are the people who told me about your change in attitude in the first place; they're also waiting for the day your ego crumbles. But to be clear, I still like you as a person/friend...maybe just not as much as I use to.

Oh yeah, and your apology backstage seemed pretty half assed.

Mondays. I hate Mondays... and slopes.

New week. I am PMS-ing much less, well at least today, I've been much merrier...even though it's a Monday. Who likes Mondays? Not many people I know. Monday's always suck. It's the mark of a new week, a reminder that weeks are flying by -- that time is flying by. It's the first day after the wonderful weekend, the first day of school week, the first day you have to start waking up early after sleeping in on weekends. Did I mention? I hate Mondays.

That was my rant of the day. Mondays. Not much of a rant. Just a chain of thoughts on Mondays. Anywho, I have a math test tomorrow...on slopes. I hate slopes as well. No one really cares about using slopes as a rate of change, 'cause honestly, the next time there is a thunderstorm I am not going to calculate the rate of change between the lightning and the thunder in metres per second. I am never, ever going to need that in daily life.

Speaking of daily life, I think I may go take my knowledge test soon, and get my learner's. Either tomorrow or Thursday. Yep. Exciting stuff...no actually, it is really exciting. I cannot wait to get on the road. Watch out, children. I think I'm going to be raging driver, I don't know, between my sane emotions and my raging ones...there isn't a very big gap. I think those who know me know that already. Haha.

Well...I'm back to studying some math. Slopes. Yuck.

Saturdays. Calls. Text messages.

Don't even know where to begin, how to start, what to say, when to tell, who to bitch. I think I've given up on trying whatever I've been trying for the last year, year and half, maybe.
Whatever, it doesn't matter how long I've been trying. You'll never know. I don't want to be all up in your face and say all the things that might just make matters worse, instead I resorted to subtly telling you. Unfortunately, you're so warped up in other thoughts that apparently, I don't matter. And if I still do, whatever effort you're putting in, makes me feel like I don't matter.

Sometimes, before you commit yourself to something, you ponder (maybe it's just me), would I ever be like that? Would I really choose something new and shiny over something I've known a shitload longer? All because I'm fixated on the things that the new and shiny thing offers? I think most people would say no (realizing that I'm not talking about materialistic things). I think most people would say that they would choose the thing they've known since forever over the new and shiny. But once you choose to commit yourself to the new, your perspectives change. Although I can't quite wrap my head around as to why someone could be so brutal and axe out the old for the new, but I can understand that perspectives do end up changing.

'Cause in my big picture, I'm the old thing that feels like it's been dumped. Long ago. Although I am 100% sure I wasn't axed out on purpose, that I wasn't a headshot picture on a table being checked off.
I think that axing me was all done, subconciously.

Bitchfest.

I am 15 minutes away from doing some major homeworking...yeah, it's been a while since I've "worked hard" -- okay, that's a lie. It's more like it's been a while since I've done homework. I use to do homework right when it was assigned, okay, I really need to stop lying on this blog. I use to do my homework relatively early (as in, 8 pm the night before it was due -- which isn't bad), but lately, all I want to do is slack. I just don't care. I've given up. I just dont' care about anything. If I had my way, I wouldn't even show up to school, I would just sit at home, sleep and eat. I just don't care about anything. Hence why I think life sucks. Everything's about tests, exams, homework, school, boys, tests, exams, friends, drama, boys, homework. I hate it. It is just a cycle of suckiness, of boredom, of complete oblivion. I can't even say I enjoy school anymore, I only go for the sake of my parents, and I guess sometimes my friends. I don't even know why I'm here at Blenz. I've been at home for the last hour contemplating whether I should even come down here to do homework or should I just lay around the house being fat. Obviously, I decided to be a bigger person and come down here to do my homework.

Other than my bitchfest of how life sucks right now, I've added a new thing to bitch about other than school and work (which is just a load of easy crap) -- I've given up on liking anyone. I honestly do not need to like anyone in my life right now, all they do is pose as a distraction in my life. Ever since I fell, fell hard (in highschool terms), I didn't really care about school, but I felt like I could do anything in the world (it sounds confusing, but honestly, it isn't). I just focused so much of my time, so much concentration on him that I've lost my will to do anything at school. You'd think that maybe if I got over him, everything will just go back to normal, that I'd live like I did before. Unfortunately, now that I'm over him, everything just keeps spiraling downwards. At least when I liked him I had the willpower to do some things. Now? I honestly, do not care about anything. There isn't much else I'd really care about, and that I'd make an extra effort to attain. This is what liking someone does to me. When I like them, I get this rush of adrenaline like I could do anything in the world, and after I get over them it's like the rush of adrenaline all came crashing down a little bit too fast. Way, too fast.

Well, I suppose I should go to my homework now. Fuck my life.