four months and a bit

away from home, takes a lot out of you.

smile all you want in the photos, but there are always those days where you just wish you were home.





today is one of those days.

In the letter,

I wrote you that I hoped whoever the next girl is, she'll know just how perfectly special you are.

I am so very happy for you, and I only hope she does.

make it without you.

this is the starting of my greatest fear,
i'm all packed up, getting out of here.
but then you call and tell me not to go,
that i'm the one who put the rock and roll,
in your life.

this is the starting of a brand new day.
i never liked this town much anyway,
i need this city like i need the rain,
i know that somehwere there's a north bound train.

oh, i'll make it without you,
make it without you,
and though my body's layin' here,
it's mouth that must be lying now.

this is the starting of my fall from grace,
my self esteem, it's seen better days.
but you know i'll never let this go to waste,
i'll keept his memory on the map i trace
back to home.

my friends go out, but i've been stayin in,
i know i should but that's the way it's been.
i never cared much for the taste of gin,
i still don't now, oh, but it's been helpin.

oh, i'll make it without you,

in my life.
oh, i'll make it with out you,
and though my body's layin here,
it's my mouth that must be lyin' now.
it's my mouth that must be lyin' now

oh i'll, make it without you.
oh i'll, make it without you.
oh i'll, i'll make it without you.
and though my body's layin here,
it's my mouth that must be lyin' now.

when

...when it's week two and she's already got you doubting and crying.

it's been so long...

"A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you away. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave."

...and i wish you were here.

but

sometimes i feel like we're going back to where we were.

loyalty.

underappreciated.

thank you.

a jaw dropper, looks good when he walks, he's the subject of their talk. he would be hard to chase, but good to catch, and he could change the world with his hands behind his back. nothing compares, no worries or cares. regrets and mistakes, they're memories made. who would've known, how bittersweet this would taste?

thank you.

things i want to say, things i want you to know

i love you.
i do.
i am not in love with you. i love you.
i think you embody everything that i look for,
i think you are my kind of 'perfect'
i think it was a shame that i never got to prove it.
but things are the way they are, if things weren't meant to be, they weren't meant to be.

i am wonderfully grateful that i had the chance to meet you,
that i had the chance to be your friend.
i think you are an amazing person,
i think you are one of the nicest people there are,
i think you are warm hearted,
i think you have a kind soul,
i think you have a face for a smile.
you put others before yourself,
i think that is one of the nicest things someone can do.

i will miss you, a lot.
i don't want to say goodbye,
it will be hard to say goodbye,
i will miss you,
and i hope you will miss me too.
i don't want to say goodbye in a month.

p.s. whoever is lucky enough to have you, and understand just how perfectly special you are, well, whoever it is, is going to be the luckiest person in the world.

i love you.

daydreamer

a jaw dropper,
looks good when he walks,
he's the subject of their talk.
he would be hard to chase but good to catch,
and he could change the world with his hands behind his back.

daydreamer, with eyes that make you melt,
he lends his coat for shelter
plus he's there for you when he shouldn't be.
but he stays all the same, waits for you, then sees you through.

there's no way i could describe him,
but i'll say he's just what i'm hoping for.

and i can tell that he'll be there for life,
and i can tell that he'll be there for life.

beautiful

"I love you. Even if you don't love me back. And I will keep it forever with me. As a reminder of how beautiful life can be." - Jason Reeves

california dreaming

"just when i felt like giving up on us, you turned around and gave me one last touch. that made everything feel better."

you frustrate me to the bone.

and you make me want to punch you in the face.

don't look back at this crumbling fool

you know how the time flies, only yesterday was the time of our lives. we were born and raised in a summer haze, bound by the surprise of our glory days. but go on and take it, take it all with you. don't look back, at this crumbling fool. just take it all, with my love. take it all, with my love. nevermind, i'll find someone like you. i wish nothing but the best for you too. don't forget me, i beg, i remember you said, "sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead." yeah, sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead.

"Stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone ought to be."

"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soulmate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave.

A soul mate's purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life."

- Elizabeth Gilbert

Where Rainbows End

a woman.

A woman without her man is nothing.





A woman: without her, man is nothing.

you're a supernova and i'm a...I'm a space-bound rocketship.

we touch, i feel a rush, we clutch, it isn't much,
but it's enough to make me wonder what's in store for us.

cause you just, did the impossible, gained my trust.
don't play games it'll be dangerous if you fuck me over,
cause if i get burnt, i'm a show you what it's like to hurt.
cause i've been treated like dirt before you,
and love is 'evol', spell it backwards, i'll show you.

i've tried in his department, but i ain't had no luck with this,
it sucks but it's exactly what i thought it would be like trying to start over.
i've got a hole in my heart from some kind of emotional rollercoaster,
something i won't go on till you toy with my emotions, so it's over.
it's like an explosion everytime i hold you, wasn't joking when i told you,
you take my breathe away, you're a supernova,
and i'm a...

I'm a space-bound rocketship and your heart's the moon,
and I'm aimin' right at you,
right at you.
Two-hundred fifty thousand miles on a clear night in June,
and I'm aimin' right at you.
Right at you,
right at you.

I wasn't looking when I stumbled into you, must've been fate.
But so much is at stake, what the fuck does it take, let's cut to the chase,
before the door shuts in yoru face, promise me if i cave in and break,
and leave myself open that I won't be making a mistake.

just promise me you'll think of me,
every time you look up in the sky and see a star,
cause i'm a...

I'm a space-bound rocketship and your heart's the moon,
and I'm aimin' right at you,
right at you.
Two-hundred fifty thousand miles and a clear night in June,
I'm so lost with you.
Without you,
without you.

circles

"Missing someone isn't about how long it has been since you've seen them or the amount of time since you've talked. It's about that very moment when you find yourself doing something and wishing they were right there by your side."

fuck you.

meet me halfway

"Sometimes, all I really want to do is sit beside you. I want to watch cheesy and crappy movies with you, and we will laugh at them together. I want to plan things with you, things we'll never do, but for some reason just planning them with you is fine with me. I want to talk to you about everything and anything. I want to goof around with you and make jokes that aren't funny but we'll laugh nonetheless.
I just want to fall in love with you over and over and maybe at one point we'll get tired of each other, but until then, I want you, and just you."

one-eighty

"The saddest part of a broken heart isn't the ending so much as the start. The tragedy starts from the very first spark. Losing your mind for the sake of your heart."

skydive

and maybe i've been holding on to,
all the little wrecks i've been gone through.
i'm learning at last, i fall too fast.

but i, i don't want to parachute into love,
no, i want to skydive.
and fall until we fly, live until we die together.
if heaven is my home, you can only make it better.

don't want to wait another day,
no, i want you now forever.
don't want to parachute into love.

i dont want a fuckin message

say it like it is, to my face.

i can handle it.

blog number...

...I have no idea how many blog posts I have already posted about you, they never seem to cease.

My heart is telling me one thing, and my head telling me another. My heart is telling me that life is about taking chances, and you're one of those chances I should be taking. What is life if we never do something that doesn't follow the plan? My life is boring enough. At the same time, my head is telling me that if I took this chance, a lot can go wrong, and perhaps being friends is all we're ever meant to be, and ruining it would be a shame. I know both my heart and my head is correct. Yeah, I should take a chance, but at the same time, friendship is more important than any other silly feeling. I know, I'm young, but hey, I can talk about what I feel, right?

I am literally going crazy. I can't stop thinking about you. You're here when I'm awake, you're there when I'm asleep. I can't seem to escape from you. When I'm not with you, it feels like you're the perfect person for me, and I'm the perfect medium from all the girls you've dated. I won't be the naggy, talking one that you find annoying, nor would I be the one with the mixed messages and the need for space. I'd be the perfect in between. Or I'd try to be. And I feel like trying this out would be the most perfect and wonderful thing. But when I'm with you, I doubt what I had been feeling when you're not here. It's like a complete one eighty. When I'm with you, I don't feel all the things I feel when I don't see you. I guess my heart has all these idealized visions of you and me together, and it's confusing me.

Despite all my contradictory and selfish feelings, I like being your lean-on-me friend. I like being that girl that you can talk to when you have problems with other girls. It's nice to know that you can confide in me and you feel completely confident in it. I feel like this bond is much stronger and long lasting than any other bonds you tend to have with the girls you date. I like being you friend, and I like you being mine. But my heart is still wanting more, and my brain is telling me that the position I'm in, is as perfect as it can be.

I love the fact that you're a sucker for some good waves, and small towns, and I'm in love with concrete buildings and big cities. You're a Cancer and I'm a Capricorn. We have nothing in common, and our personalities are completely different. And yet I think we complement each other perfectly.

Yeah, I'm definitely going insane.

I don't know what I want anymore. I need to figure this out before I go absolutely bonkers.

"and who knows? maybe one day, we'll be perfect for each other."

smash into you.

head down, as i watch my feet take turn hitting the ground,

eyes shut, i find myself in love racing the earth

ears closed, what i hear no one else has to know

cause i know, what we have is worth first place in gold.

you've got a face for a smile you know?