blog number...

...I have no idea how many blog posts I have already posted about you, they never seem to cease.

My heart is telling me one thing, and my head telling me another. My heart is telling me that life is about taking chances, and you're one of those chances I should be taking. What is life if we never do something that doesn't follow the plan? My life is boring enough. At the same time, my head is telling me that if I took this chance, a lot can go wrong, and perhaps being friends is all we're ever meant to be, and ruining it would be a shame. I know both my heart and my head is correct. Yeah, I should take a chance, but at the same time, friendship is more important than any other silly feeling. I know, I'm young, but hey, I can talk about what I feel, right?

I am literally going crazy. I can't stop thinking about you. You're here when I'm awake, you're there when I'm asleep. I can't seem to escape from you. When I'm not with you, it feels like you're the perfect person for me, and I'm the perfect medium from all the girls you've dated. I won't be the naggy, talking one that you find annoying, nor would I be the one with the mixed messages and the need for space. I'd be the perfect in between. Or I'd try to be. And I feel like trying this out would be the most perfect and wonderful thing. But when I'm with you, I doubt what I had been feeling when you're not here. It's like a complete one eighty. When I'm with you, I don't feel all the things I feel when I don't see you. I guess my heart has all these idealized visions of you and me together, and it's confusing me.

Despite all my contradictory and selfish feelings, I like being your lean-on-me friend. I like being that girl that you can talk to when you have problems with other girls. It's nice to know that you can confide in me and you feel completely confident in it. I feel like this bond is much stronger and long lasting than any other bonds you tend to have with the girls you date. I like being you friend, and I like you being mine. But my heart is still wanting more, and my brain is telling me that the position I'm in, is as perfect as it can be.

I love the fact that you're a sucker for some good waves, and small towns, and I'm in love with concrete buildings and big cities. You're a Cancer and I'm a Capricorn. We have nothing in common, and our personalities are completely different. And yet I think we complement each other perfectly.

Yeah, I'm definitely going insane.

I don't know what I want anymore. I need to figure this out before I go absolutely bonkers.

"and who knows? maybe one day, we'll be perfect for each other."