i titled this blog "you're really special to me" and then i deleted it. i'm not sure why i deleted it. it just didn't feel right. No, not because you're not special to me, it didn't feel right because you shouldn't be so special to me.
to be completely honest with myself, i don't want you to be dating her. why would i want you to be dating her? to be completely selfish and ridiculous, i don't want anyone to be dating you. despite my greedy feelings, i am happy for you. i know how much you like her, i can see it when you talk about her. i know you really like her. i can see it in the way you smile when you're with her. i'm happy that you're happy. i know, we're meant to be friends, that's all we'll ever be and i'm fine with that. it would be ridiculous to think otherwise.
i want you to know how much you mean to me. i want you to know how it makes me really happy when you come over and talk to me, how you wave across the room. it makes me happy that you're such a nice person, and you trust me to tell me about your dislikes even though everything thinks you're a nice guy. i'm happy that you share really random facts with me, even though they're ridiculously stupid. i'm glad that we have our handshake.
i know this entire post is so contradictory and pointless, but my feelings towards you are contradictory and pointless. i don't want you to date her, but i'm more than happy that you are dating her because it makes you happy. i want you to care about me as much as i care about you, but i know we can only be friends. i want you to know all the things i feel about you, but i want to keep them to myself because i'm afraid we won't have our handshake anymore.
you're really special to me. but you shouldn't be. you're just a guy.
you're just a guy
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